Team Heartbreak HQ

It had been an intense 12 or so days, very self aware, very aware of others.  Reminding myself that the pain and hurt was part of healing, the lessons were being learnt. So keep swimming so as not to sink.  No. Not reminding myself, other people reminded me. Magnificient beautiful people who I would be lost without, wise friends who had as many scars but still smiled as they listened and counseled. Partners in creating something out of nothing, seeing the oblivion as opportunity and choice rather than emptiness and fate.

I was home, tired, strung out but happy talking on the phone with an angel.  Evan lets me know he’s going to the city where Caroline and Gaby would be, I  get excited for an unplanned family gathering, Evan remembers he cant go out he has to be an early bird, which makes me remember Im an early bird… Caroline senses the loss and entices me with promises of blondes and brunettes, so hard to resist I say yes okay Im coming shut up before I change my… too late.  Im being responsible, I have adventures planned later in the week I need reserves of energy for. 

 Ive also got a practical problem.  Im running out of clean clothes.  I was going to have to wear the shitty blue shirt if I didnt do something soon.  That would be giving into the oblivion.  I had to do it, I had to take the 20 kg bag of laundry tonight.  Had to be tonight. Had to be now.

 I got a block from my house when it started.

It was like a jet plane taking off, from a spattering of water to an ocean falling from the sky in a matter of seconds.

My clothes were instantly soaked, rivers ran down the cross streets, lakes had already formed at each intersection.

There was hardly any space between the drops of water, just enough to create a cacophony of glorious rythm.

I realised I was grinning from ear to ear as I strode like a demented Santa Claus through the deluge.

 I started laughing, loved the feeling of just not giving a shit that I was drenched, there wasnt a dry spot of fabric on my body. Even if I did its not like I had a say in the fucking matter.

The torrent was beating even harder down, had become more exhilarating.

 I stopped, dropped the bag on the floor, closed my eyes and let it fall on my face with stinging force. I let out a scream of release and celebration*, I could be as loud as I wanted, the world was turned up full volume and there was no one else crazy enough to be walking in the street.

 When I opened my eyes and moved my head down there was a girl who had been jogging, who had stopped by me and she had the same insane grin.  We both started laughing, I picked up my bag and said

 ”Might as well drink it in if you’re going to get wet”

She replied “Fuck yeah”

IT WAS FUCKING BEAUTIFUL

I made it to the laundry, the guy said it would be ready on Thursday.  I told him that he was clearly fucking joking as I quickly got about the business of creating a small pond on his floor.  He took pity and gave me the slip that said 7pm Wednesday.  Meanwhile this guy Walter was telling me how the italians were going to fuck him up because he owed them the money he had used to buy his truck. But they like him, think he’s a good guy, “theyll give me a break right?” 

Clearly the whole “English man who just stepped out of a lake” thing made me an authority on Italian Irish relations, I assured him he’d be fine and walked out into the street.

Not a drop of rain falling, sky almost empty of clouds.  Looks like I stepped out of my door just in time. 

*I think my exact words were “FUUUUUCCCKKK”